The following is the script for a “top secret” speech/guided tour Carol Tiggs gave to the Cleargreen insiders on a trip to Tula early in 1995. (So who’s going to ask Carol for us why the “Nagual Woman/Death Defier” needs to have her remarks regarding her “special place”–Tula–totally scripted for her, down to the “stage directions,” for christ’s sake!) Special thanks to Greg and Gabi for ferreting out this gem.
I am going to reveal things that no one has ever known so it is very important that you pay attention. This is not the time for your linear mind. Use it in serious academic discourse. I was once an M.D. and I am now pursuing my degree in symbolic logic. I use all my resources of thinking; inducting, deducting and abducting in my academic studies. I am the most diligent student from ten to four but by the time I get home at five I am no longer Muni Alexander but Carolina Aranha. I am no longer linear. Your best efforts of linear thinking should be used in academic pursuits. Not here in Tula. Mine is not a linear world. Having said that, let’s go in.
I’d like to say a word about cyclic beings. Cyclic beings for the old sorcerors [sic] and for the old nagual and us do not mean reincarnation. It means that human beings happen in strands held together by currents of homogenous energy. Think of a curtain made out of beads. Each strand is individual and each bead is even more individual yet they are held together by the same force, the same string. The beads of the same strand could be called cyclic by the old sorcerors [sic] of the old nagual’s lineage.
I happen to have the fortune or misfortune of being a bead in the same string that holds a strange creature we know as the death defier. It was not such a far fetched affair for the death defier and Carol Tiggs to have a transcendental agreement, as it is not a far fetched idea that Lorenzo and Julius have a total affinity for the other two elements that disappeared. Nothing could be more absurd, but nothing could be more simple.
Renata is my adopted daughter, my charge. I don’t fuss over her the way I would like to because I have such a possessive natural daughter who watches every move I make. But that doesn’t mean anything. I’m still responsible for this creature. (touch and kiss Renata) This, besides being my responsibility, is also is my guardian, my chac mool. She is guarding me in this very room. The mystery here is not how I could be cyclic with the death defier, but how I could be sane and talking to you right now.
(Putting my left finger under the statue’s nose and looking just like the statue, I address the group) Let’s not stay here too long. Let’s go see my cyclic chacmool.
At the church, in the small chapel by the leftside.
Here is where the death defier struck an agreement with Carol Tiggs. I am going to tell you as exactly as I can what transpired here.
The death defier says to Carol Tiggs in the most terrifying raspy voice, “I have watched you for a long time, Carol Tiggs” She liked it when people used her whole name; it sounded respectful even though the raspy voice of the creature was more than disturbing. It sounded manly. Carol Tiggs thought that there wasn’t anyway she could make sure that the death defier was a woman. The creature seemed to guess what Carol was thinking and said, “There is nothing male left in me. My assemblage point is totally twisted. As a woman you can’t see but you can certainly feel my assemblage point or my pussy.
Carol Tiggs was getting more tongue tied and nervous than ever. Suddenly the death defier grabbed Carol Tiggs’s hand and stuck it up her skirt. The creature was wearing a long dress with no underwear. Her pussy was hot and wet and slightly sticky. The creature’s pussy didn’t smell at all. There was a sensation of wet vortex pulling Carol down.
The death defier then said “Why don’t you put my hand there?” and pointed to Carol’s crotch. At this point Carol was laughing like an idiot. The woman dived through her skirt, pantyhose and underwear and stuck her finger in Carol Tiggs’ pussy. The horrible thing is that Carol Tiggs really liked it. The woman had a very fat finger that seemed to grow inside. This is so terrible and so embarrasing [sic] that I have to tell it in the third person – The woman made love to her, right in this chapel and Carol Tiggs had a huge orgasm. She was panting and heaving.
With glazed eyes, Carol Tiggs turned to the voice that was cooing in her ear. The voice asked her “Now aren’t you going to do it to me too?” Carol Tiggs was laying there between the pews, half naked. And she did it.
The death defier said “Don’t be bashful and don’t be judgey. Women have an enormous charge of energy in their uterus and the only way they open up to the unknown is through the blast of their orgasm. They are affected by it or they could affect others with it. Now, are you ready for our deal?”
Carol Tiggs was more dead than alive. She didn’t know what to do. She felt used, dirty. She thought that everybody in the church had watched her and what would they think. They would certainly believe she was a lesbian. She then asked weakly, “Do you think that people had watched us?”
The death defier replied “No, because you are dreaming inside a dream. This church doesn’t exist. We are in a vacuum. The church seems to be here but it is not. I want you to lend me a hand and free me from my chains. I don’t know what I can do for you in payment for this turn. It’s up to you to use me partially or fully. I will catch a ride and will go piggy-back with you and you could do the same thing with me but it will be up to you. I have no more decisions. My life ends with your line but it turns out that we are cyclic. I will give all the power I have. If you want to be a man, I’ll make you a man. If you want to be a superpussy, I’ll make you a superpussy.”
All at once I heard myself stutter “I- I- I would like to be a superpussy, c-c-can I?” Then something in me said “NO, No I didn’t mean it!”
Of course I have to tell you that I didn’t look then as I look today. I looked like Nuri, a twerp. The death defier took my nose, my twiggy body … The death defier was, naturally, the spitting image of that thing in the museum, the one I look like now.
“Do you accept my offer?” the woman urged. “I can’t twist your arm. The decision is yours but let me tell you, it’ll be an adventure of untold dimensions. Anything that would happen to me is better than what will happen when the energy stops coming from the nagual.”
Carol Tiggs couldn’t really understand this dialogue. So she continued with her one thought, “What does it mean to be a superpussy?”
“Well you could just take any man or woman you want. You could have orgasms through your nariz, you could rub against the wall of the church and go. A superpussy means that all of you is a pussy.”
I was totally schizophrenic frightened and lisping and then at the same time another person was taking over me. Carol Tiggs responded in her lisping manner,” Yeth, yeth, it would be thuper, so ethciting!” Yet in another part, she is beginning to comprehend the vast scope of this enterprise but only vaguely… Carol Tiggs continued,” okay, what do we do firtht?”
“You could begin by seducing Isidoro Baltazar.”
“Oh that’s such a thupid idea. He hateth me. But with my new powers..” Carol says that as she begins carressing [sic] her nose.
Today I feel it was such a pitiful exchange between such an awesome creature and the petty concerns of Carol Tiggs worrying about being a superpussy. But that’s the way we are, make no bones about it.
“It’s time to change dreams. Let’s go deeper yet. Let’s go sit in front of the sea of awareness,” the woman said.
“Yeth, I love the beach but, just before we do, what about Carlos? Isidoro, I mean.”
“Let’s go see him”.
Walk to the plaza.
The next thing I knew I was sitting on this bench. And Carlos was on my lap. I was possessed by extravagent [sic] seriousness. I couldn’t lisp even if my life depended on it. Never before had I felt such sureness and at the same time awe. I was me, but the me I know today.
The rest of the story you know. Carlos has written about it and I recommend that you read it.
Walk them to the hotel, after showing them the two restaurants of the town. Stand at the corner and point to the last two rooms, at the very corner, on the second floor. I as the new creature who wasn’t Carol Tiggs took Carlos there and inspite [sic] of the fact he was my brother I seduced him as if there is no tomorrow. But I wasn’t Carol Tiggs, I was something else. Something bound and determined, cold and yet passionate. When I closed my eyes I could see scenarios that didn’t belong to any experience, strange beings like shadows come to me and examine me. They poked me and turned me around, looking for something unsaid.
I had to keep my eyes open all the time. Finally I fell asleep. I think that was when I merged totally with Isidoro Baltazar. It was then that he became my true brother. We twirled together in the sea of awareness for nine days until there was no more energetic difference. You see, the mystery of mysteries is that Carlos and I are cyclic to one another and to the death defier. That was why I hated and loved him at a the [sic] same time. I saw him as a man. The death defier explained to me that a man and a woman who are cyclic to one another can’t see eye to eye in a million years. The only thing Carlos and I could do was to merge together.
I left the hotel on a very normal day, me as I am today. And I went to meet the woman. She took me by the hand through that chapel and a second later I was facing again the sea of awareness. It’s not a sea. It’s an inconceivable surge of energy, a peculiar energy that is aware and talks to you. Perhaps the mystics of ancient times experienced this. Carlos thinks that at best they only reach the mold of man, a clump of energy fields, like luminous strings that man wants man is. Something like a cosmic mold that stamps energy in the form of man, just like a machine that makes crackers. But I think that perhaps they went beyond it. The sea of awareness ts [sic] the closest thing to the concept of God; it is an all inclusive force. In front of it, you’re not even a spark, a speck, a virus. Yet it is aware of you. In that sea of awareness my cyclic being, the death defier turned into that something not foreign to me, not disgusting at all. She was me filled to capacity with indifference. Everyone of my concerns shut off like one turns off an electric bulb… There were powerful organic sensations, flashy images like in a dream. Finally I was in a concise dream which gained precision until it was the real world.
It took months to find Carlos because I was groggy, I was stupid. One day they said he was giving a lecture. I had lost hope. Of course I nearly gave him a heart attack. He thought I had gone as the rule dictated. The rest you know.
When the death defier and I were in front of the sea of awareness, she told me my name Muni, She said that some day when I had succeeded to integrate myself, or when nothing matters anymore and my eyes were aligned with hers I would be herself, Xoxopanxoco.
Since I am running after my brother; like a possessed woman, every other sorcerors’ [sic] concern is nothing to me now. His fight is the only thing I know, nothing matters any longer so I can tell what the death defier’s name and what it means. It means fruit of eternal spring.
The final twist of this endless chain of possibilities is that Xoxopanxoco -I don’t know the name of the death defier as a man; outlived a subsidiary goal. She said that she had been alive for thousands of years not because she was greedy for life but because she loved life and mankind. Her one dream, which had nothing to do with survival, was to help mankind reach a level of reason and intelligence which we do not have. She said that we are ritualistic and repetitious and we have deleriums [sic] of grandeur that have no justification. We are a mess.
She said that to evoke her name in Tula would be like a cue to wake her. And that there could be some daring beings who would evoke her name in my presence. By invoking her name in my presence which is her presence, their internal dialogue would stop and they may even catch a glimpse of dreams upon dreams that were woven in this marvelous locale, now occupied by this absurd crummy little town.
She told me to say this:
Can a nicuicanitl huiya
Xochitl in noyollo ya
nicmana nocuic a ohuaya ohuaya
o xoxpanxoco o xoxopanxoco